"The plans of the heart belong to man, but the answer of the tongue is from the LORD. All the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the spirit. Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established."
Proverbs 16:1-3
I like to know where I am going and what I will be doing. My first day of senior year in high school, I knew what college I would be attending and what would be my major. Spring semester of my senior year of college, I was hired. I was one of the first in my graduating class to have a "real" job. I have always known where I am going and what I will be doing. Always knowing what is coming next and having control is not living a life of faith. God calls us out of our comfort zones. He commands us to walk by faith and not by sight. Just as Jesus did with Peter, He calls us out into the waters. I need to take that step of faith and step out of the comfort and security of my boat.
This past November, I made the decision to move back to the States once this school year ended. Being the organized person I am, I began researching jobs, apartments, and even grad. schools. All the next steps that made sense...to me. The more I researched and tried to plan, the more frustrated I became. Nothing was working out! Trusting in the promises of God, I surrendered my future to Him daily. "God, you are the author and perfecter of time. You have written my story and I cannot wait for it to unravel. Today, use me. Tomorrow, use me." Well let me tell you, His plans have begun to unravel and it is not what I planned.
Just over two weeks ago, I was approached by the director of ICS (the school where I teach). He asked if I would consider staying and teaching another year. I should have been flattered and honored - the director, the head honcho, the man in charge of who stays and who goes asked ME to stay another year. I am human and my humanly tendencies kicked in. But I already made plans! I did not say that, but I was thinking it. I told him I would consider it but my heart already knew the answer. NO! I was done with living in Singapore. I missed the "American Life" - Target, the convenience of my own car, being in the same time zone as my friends and family, easy access to clothes that fit, Panera, and the list goes on. On the way home from school that evening, I was praying and thinking about what the director had asked. And then it came. A voice. A thought that was not my own. "Stay to obey". STAY!?
A few days later I was off to Beijing for Spring Break. I jumped on a plane and in just six hours I was in China! One of the great advantages to living abroad - quick and easy access to so many countries! I continued praying and thinking about staying, but my vision became clouded. Our days in Beijing were packed full. There were so many people. I was not sleeping well and I was not spending time reading and meditating upon scripture. Time and time again, I gave into the lies from the devil. Lies that told me to say good-bye to Singapore. BUT, through the grace of God, He spoke to me. On the way to the Beijing airport, I began to think. I am so very fortunate. I am living in a foreign country. I am able to see and experience so many different parts of the world. Why would I want to give this up? The rest of the way back to Singapore, I wrestled. Praying. Talking with my wise, encouraging, and wonderful aunt. Reflecting upon the past two years. God was changing my heart. I could tell what was happening and I was not sure I liked it.
Well, Monday came and school began. I knew God was telling me to stay. Even though I knew He wanted me here, I still did not love the idea. Nevertheless, I walked into my principal's office and told her, "If the offer still stands, I am willing to stay and teach another year."
WARNING: If you ever not completely sure about God's plan, He WILL move.
In Exodus, God appeared and brought confirmation to Moses through a burning bush. God appeared to me and brought confirmation through a burning classroom. Just to recap, Monday I told my principal I would stay. Tuesday, I left school early because I was sick. So here we are at Wednesday. I was walking up the stairs to my classroom and I smelled smoke. I walked to my classroom and looked in the window; everything was black! I ran next door and told my co-teacher there was a fire in my room. We unlocked the door and I stepped in. Sure enough. There had been a fire. There had only been a small part of the wall that burned but everything in the classroom was covered in ash. It was an electrical fire. Small as it was, the smoke destroyed just about everything.
This past week has been crazy, chaotic, sleepless, exhausting, and beautiful. My class spent one day sharing a classroom with the other second grade. While my old classroom is being gutted and then renovated, my second grade is now in the high school wing. Throughout all the chaos and change and frustration, one thing rang true. This is where I'm suppose to be. God's provision and faithfulness were so clearly seen through all that happened this week. I am learning, slowly. God's plan is good. God's plan is for my best. God's plan will happen whether I am with Him or not - but it helps to be with Him!
Hebrews 12:28-29 says, "Therefore let us be grateful for receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, and thus let us offer God acceptable worship, with reverence and awe, for our God is a consuming fire." As I unfortunately learned this week, fire is all consuming. Whether destroyed by fire or by its smoke, fire consumes. God is consuming me. He is chiseling me and my desires away. It is a painful and slow process but as John 3:30 says, "He must increase, but I must decrease."
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